Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
