U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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