Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
