I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
