your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
