Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
