he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
