i already hear my dad disowning me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
