Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
