she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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