so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize
