I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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