Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
