Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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