The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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