i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
