he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
