Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
