saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
