They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
