Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
