I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
