you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
