i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
