Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
