Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
