But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Fuck appropriateness.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wear drunk well.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
