Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We don't watch enough power rangers
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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