I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
