Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
