the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
