You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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