guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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