So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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