I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
