Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
