Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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