Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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