The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
