My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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