Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
