Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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