I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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