im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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