Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
