apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
