i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
