Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
