I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
