Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
