Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
