I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
