I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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