I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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