i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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