Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
